Psychological Questions

Below I present a set of what I call "psychological" questions. Many of them are about relationships. They're all questions I've done considerable thinking about over the years. I believe that pondering these questions (unlike the "philosophical questions" I've posed elsewhere) has great practical value. For example, I think that by giving serious thought to these questions, young people planning their first marriage could significantly increase their chances of having a satisfying long-term relationship.

I think it's difficult (and that it's obvious it's difficult) to have satisfying, long-term relationships. Why this is true is, in my opinion, not so obvious.

Although I think I have some partial answers to the following questions, I think they're open ended, and I'm always interested in gaining new perspectives from others who have also given them thought.

I'll add new questions from time to time. Like mathematical questions, "relationship questions" form an infinite landscape.

Question 1

M. Scott Peck, in his book "The Road Less Traveled" defines "love" on page 81 as follows: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth". Thus, Peck seems to be saying that love is an act of will. Does this idea make sense? Please give your definition of love.

Question 2

Peck makes a distinction between "love" and "falling in love". About "falling in love", he says on page 90 of "TRLT" that it "is a trick that our genes pull on our otherwise perceptive mind to hoodwink or trap us into marriage". Do you agree with this assessment?

Question 3

Is there ever any justification for deceiving someone you love? By "deceive" I don't mean telling a "white lie", but lying in a way that would seriously upset the loved one were he/she ever to discover the truth.

Question 4

Why do most marriages fail?

Question 5

Suppose marriage weren't for life, but for five years, as specified by a contract (which could be renewed). Would this system be an improvement over what we have now?

Question 6

In regard to interpersonal relationships, what does the word "honesty" mean? Does it mean always telling the truth? If not, what would the criteria be for when a lie (i.e. not telling the literal truth) is acceptable? On what principle(s) would such criteria be based?

Question 7

Is it possible to have a "principle" of behavior for which there could be no sensible exceptions? How about "thou shalt not kill"? If this is possible in your opinion, please provide an example. If it is not possible, then would it be possible to give a "principle" along with specific and unambiguous guidelines for when the exceptions apply (if so, please provide an example). If you think that even this is not possible, does this mean that you believe that "moral" behavior is a matter to be left up to individual judgement?

Question 8

Concerning "intellectual" knowledge versus "gut feeling" -- when trying to decide on a course of action, which (if either) should be given more weight? If neither, then is it possible to define precisely under what circumstances one way of perceiving should take precedence over the other when deciding how to act?

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